The death of an acquaintance

This morning, one of my ESL students told me that another student passed away. It was very sad to hear the news because I just met her at the VACAT's Moon Festival Picnic. She was there quietly enjoying the lantern parade. I stopped by to say hi and asked her to join the parade. I didn't realize she was suffering from a heart attack at that moment. There were doctors, nurses, and pharmacists from AVAMPS (Austin Vietnamese American Medical Professional Society) there. There were policemen and firemen there. If she said something, her life might have been saved. If her symptoms got severe, her life might have been saved. It is sad to see how easy a life can be ended.

From the other student, I learned that she had the shooting pains in her chest for a few days. That morning, the pain got worse. I know she had MAP (medical assistance programs) to allow her to go to an assigned clinic and the Brackenridge hospital in case of emergency. I also know it's quite hard to schedule a doctor appointment with the clinic especially when she did not speak or understand English well. I don't think if she knew those were heart-attack symptoms. And even if she knew how bad her condition was, I don't think she knew she could go to the hospital with her MAP card.

Sitting here with thousands of thoughts running through my mind, I am wondering what she knew and what she didn't know; I am wondering if there was anything that could help; I am wondering how many people are like her in the Vietnamese community? I am wondering what program(s) we can create to help those people. And I just realized my social program at VACAT is not enough. In that program, I help people to get government assistance for health, food and others. But I do not have any programs to educate people about their rights or how to use those programs. And there are no Vietnamese speaking representatives at those programs to help the Vietnamese people. It was my plan last year to campaign and lobby to the city/state to have the Vietnamese speaking language at all the programs for low-income people. I started talking to a few people at the state then the plan was halted. I was lazy and busy. And a part of it, I was discouraged by some rude people who bugged me constantly when they didn't really need help. The death of this person gives me encouragement and inspiration to continue. I hope to remember this death whenever I feel lazy or discouraged.

Strong women - a thought atter a shopping trip

By my husband's definition, a strong woman is a woman who is not insecure.

I am still looking for a definition of a strong woman. I like to think that I am a strong woman. But some people may not agree with me. For example, everything I do, I always ask my husband first. To some people, it's a weak sign. A strong woman should be able to do anything she wants. I don't disagree with their opinion. But then it makes me think and think ....

Last Friday, I went shopping. I knew I didn't need more clothes any more and I haven't done my budget for the month. But yet, I still decided to buy some items that I liked but didn't need. A little worry ran through my mind. A thought of a strong woman came up in my debate to myself.

Yes, for some people, I should be able to buy anything I want because I do make money and because I don't have to ask permission from my husband. Am I a weak person when I need to have permission when I want to do anything?

I finally found an answer for myself. It's my total respect to ask permission or seek for agreement from my husband before I do anything. Because we are a team now. I am not an individual any more. Everything I do now does affect the team. Any money I spend now does affect the same money pool. Then why is it wrong to ask before I do or spend money? Furthermore, I know I am a strong person so I don't have to scream out that "I am a strong woman" through every action. A rock is a rock. It does not need to keep defining itself through its actions. It can just lay there and people have to acknowledge it's a rock. That's how I feel about myself. I am completely content to do something that other strong women would never approve.

While in that thought, I was thinking of my husband. I was thinking of the anime "Naruto". Naruto has to reach a certain level before he can summon the king frog. My husband must have at a certain level to summon this strong woman :).

Any way, I found this quote and like it:

"No book has yet been written in praise of a woman who let her husband and children starve or suffer while she invented even the most useful things, or wrote books, or expressed herself in art, or evolved philosophic systems." by Anna Garlin Spencer

And I found the new definitions of BITCH and like them too


b- babe
i - in
t - total
c - control of
h - herself

b- beautiful
i - intelligent
t - talented
c - charming
h - hell of a woman

b- beautiful
i - individual
t - that
c - can
h - handle anything
(http://www.heroikamuljadi.com/blog/2005/04/definition-of-strong-woman_111246081998925577.html)

Best Friend and Family

It's very ironic to keep hearing this statement over and over "she's more than my Mom, she's my best friend" or "He's more than my husband, he's my best friend."

I may be out of date or I'm not "hip" enough to understand the above statement. I thought family or husband is the highest in any relationship hierarchy. Because regardless of what happens, family will always be first. For example, if I have only $10, but both my family and my best friend need it, of course, I will give it to my family first, regardless of if I am close to the family or not. For my whole life, I always tried to make my Mom happy. With my husband, I plan the future with him. The goal of my life is never to make my best friends happy. I never plan the future with my best friends. If they happen to be in the same path, it's great. If not, then I will move on.

That's why I don't understand how a best friend can be more than a mom or a husband. Can anyone enlighten me?

Love Languages

It's kinda interesting to discover your love language.

From the results of the test on this site, http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp, my primary love language is the quality time. But equally important is the physical touch. The 3rd one is the acts of service. Only 10% is the words of affirmation. Receiving gifts is not on my list. It's a little bit different than my guess. My original guess was acts of service, quality time and physical touch.

For Thuy, his primary love language is the acts of service. The quality time is the next on the list. Surprisingly, the physical touch and receiving gifts are equally important.

I don't know how accurate the test is for other people. But for me, I think it's very accurate. It's so true that the quality time is my primary love language because that's how I would like to express my love to family or friends. Getting together for lunch/dinner or going on vacations together or just hanging out is the most important to me in any relationships. The physical touch is only true with the relationship with my spouse. However, with friends, I don't think that's true. I don't feel comfortable touching or hugging friends. The acts of service is true for any relationship for me.

I learn the hard way to love other people the way they want to be loved. So I'm very interested to know about your love languages. Friends and family, if you want, try the test and let me know your languages.

The start of my blog

I didn't like to write a journal because I was afraid people would know what I was thinking. So blog would be the worst -- since it's public. Anyone can view it. Why do I start it?

Well, there were so many thoughts of how I would like to behave when I get old, when I have children, when certain situations come ... etc that I'm afraid if I don't write them down, I will forget. I may later become a different person than what I wanted to be. I also want to start a recipe book so I can reproduce any dishes I want to. Another important factor is I am pregnant now. It means I will have a baby soon. There are so many thoughts of how I would like to raise my kid(s). I would like to write them down too. I hope these thoughts will keep me straight when the baby arrives.

That's how my blog starts.